A year older :)

My first official blog as a 21 yr old girl with a full time job. Yes, I feel very adult right now. My first week of work is done and I'm more then ready for the weekend.

Sunday was my birthday and my best friend threw a surprise (or not so surprise) party for me. It was perfect and, safe to say, one of the best birthdays surrounded by all of my close friends and family. My parents got to meet everyone important to me too. Lots of laughter and craziness followed by a bible study and worship (my party was right before college group).

On the way to Birthday breakfast at Ihop!

Hannah and I

21!!!

Giving Thanks

I'm sitting in my big, cozy chair with my feet up and warm slipper boots on. The weather is chilly and cloudy, I'm crossing my fingers for snow. It's one of those days where I want to do absolutley nothing but wrap up in a blanket and dream. But life is calling my name and I can't ignore it right now..maybe tomorrow :)

Yet as much as I want to just escape for a little while God keeps reminding me of all the things I have to be thankful for, the things He's blessed me with. I am so thankful for the people that are in my life in this season, and for the people who have been apart of my life for years. It blows my mind to think of where I was this time a year ago. I was broken, hurt and torn. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I can remember praying for friends, good friends, that would be uplifting and encouraging and just...there. Friends that wouldn't leave when things got tough. I never dreamt that God would place these people in my life that I call my best friends.

Pastdue

It's about that time to fill you in on the happenings of my life. Well nothing super excited has happened lately. Oh wait, duh, I'm retarted. I went to Vegas last weekend!!! Meg is turning 19 and her dad, who happens to live in Vegas, bought us tickets to Cirque Du Soleil show. Saying it was amazing would be an understatement! I was blown away by the performance! It was fantastic :) Here are a couple of pictures from the weekend.


**Only 18 days til I'm 21**

My comfy socks after wearing the painful (yet hot!!) shoes

The show that we saw


Meg and I all beautified up for our night on the town!

Change

My mom and I were talking today about politics (I know, shocker, right?). We were talking about the things that each of our presidential candidates are standing for and how so many Christians are still choosing to vote for Obama even though he supports abortion and gay marriage. A few minutes later God reminded me of a vision He had given me at a winter camp about four years ago. I told my mom and guess what she said? "Put it on your blog!" So this, of course, is for my mom and all of her blogging buddies since I don't have any of my own yet :)

It was in the middle of worship at our winter camp and, as usual, I was just lost in the presence of God. I had my eyes closed and saw a door that was on the left side of the stage open up and countless children started walking out. They were every color and size and darn they were cute! They filled up the stage and I saw Jesus standing there and watched as they ran into His arms, laughing and dancing as He scooped all of them up and just loved them. I heard in my spirit that these were all the children that had been aborted or born stillborn.

So think about that when you think of voting for the man that will make abortion ok.

My vote is for righteousness and LIFE.

God is SO good!

It's 3:45 in the morning and I haven't slept yet. I've been on a crazy high adrenaline rush all night. Want to know why? :) Did you think you had a choice? hehe

So the past couple of weeks I've been job hunting. I've applied at a few different places and was praying for the right opportunity. On Monday I ran into a couple that I knew from my old church and casually said that I was looking for a job. The guy got disappointed and said that he'd just hired someone at his company and if he would've known..yada yada. I didn't think anything of it until he called me the next day and told me that the lady he had hired decided she didn't want the job and wanted to know if I was interested! Of course I jumped at the thought and on Wednesday I had an interview with him and was offered the job and a couple days to decide. Salary wasn't talked about it and it was the deciding factor since I'll be on my own in the next few months and had to make sure I could afford it. Anyway, long story short (or trying here), I talked to my future boss today and he told me my salary...it was more then I expected!! Praise God!!

I'm excited and awake and exhausted and...hungry! It's about that time to raid the fridge :)

Night all!

Amazing Weekend!

Sunglasses Models (except me, cause I couldn't keep a straight face)

Nick and I dancing at the mall

I had the best weekend! After poker night and my relaxing Saturday an amazing Sunday was in order right? Definitley! Church was awesome, the worship and teaching was good, and the time spent with friends was just as nice. After church a group of us (think 15) decided to go to Olive Garden for lunch...two and a half hours later we left full, broke and feeling spontaneous! Then we realized that it's hard to be spontaneous in Flag, so we settled for the mall. From the pics above you can see the craziness that ensued (I'm feeling very smart today lol) and I have the feeling I used that word wrong and I'm sure mom will let me know if I did.

Until tomorrow!!

Obligations...

No pressure on posting *coughmomcough* any blogs, it's all good right? lol

It's a beautifully chilly afternoon! Actually it's really windy and it's taking away from the beautifullness...don't say a word about my..word. Wow, I just woke up. Yes, Saturday afternoon naps are amazing! My best friend and have spent most of the afternoon watching Gilmore Girls and laughing, but only after meeting a friend at Starbucks. Now I currently can't breathe because Meg just painted her nails and I'm suffocating!! lol.

Yesterday I had my first real experience at a casino night..which was free. Me, Meg and Nick (aw, good friend) went and did better then we thought we would. Nick made it to the final table for Texas Hold Em. Good thing he didn't win, the gift certificate to the Bellagio in Vegas would've been a nice bday present, since I could easily persuade him to give it to me, ha yeah right. But all in all it was a very enjoyable night and I would not pay to play with Funny Money again!

Meg w/ some of her "winnings"

My bestie :) and I

Lacking the creativity for a good title :)

I'm currently listening to a new take on 'O Holy Night' and it's confusing me! But I guess watching Gilmore Girls at the same time could add to the confusion...

It's hard to believe it's October already! But I love it, it's my favorite time of year. Watching the leaves change outside my window makes me smile and the chilliness in the air is perfection. I love wearing sweaters and scarves and beanies. Oh oh and the smell of snow. Ah I'm so happy right now. I have an amazing family, awesome friends and a God that is merciful and loving.

I am blessed.

:)

We Are Family!

My Beautiful Gramies and I

Gramies, me, Aunt Mary Jane and Aunt Janie
(See where I get my height from?)

And last, but not least, my amazing parents and best friends :)

Don't yell at me! I know that it's been a looong time since I last blogged and I have no excuses. Slap my wrist and forgive me please :)

Today was a pretty weird day. I had a bit of a breakdown and through my tears I started crying out to God. It turned into a lot of questions and one answer..but I'll get to that in a minute. Have you ever tried to comprehend why Jesus did what He did for us? I mean, really, He chose to die for us; for me, for you. I could go very deep in all of this but I'm trying to keep it a little simpler, as hard as it is right now. God knew what I would do before I was born. He knew what choices I would make. He knew that I would make bad decisions and choose the wrong path completely and then He knew when I would turn around and come home, earnestly seeking His help and forgiveness (think prodigal son). Yet, in all of this, He still chose to die for me. I started thinking about it like an actual marriage. If I was married and chose to cheat on my husband over and over and over again, obviously after countless times my husband wouldn't want to be apart of it anymore. He would most likely divorce me and, hopefully, forgive me, but we wouldn't stay together. So how is it that the God of the universe, Who knew every choice that I would make and every time I would hurt Him, still die for me? My mind cannot wrap around this thought and I know that I'm overthinking all of this. It wasn't meant to be complicated and yet we overcomplicate it.

So, through my tears and questions I heard the Father, the Almighty, the Lover of my soul say a very simple thing in answer to my question of why and how......

Because I love you.

Wow.

"Things just weren't the same after the surgery"

LOL

Times are a-changin!

It's been awhile since I've been inspired to write a blog and I haven't had enough time to just sit and write. We'll see what I come up with today...

A lot of things have changed. Some days I feel like I'm in a dream and I'll wake up and everything will be normal. Then I realize that I'm not dreaming, I am fully awake and fully ALIVE! And it's amazing. Yes, times are hard and sometimes I don't understand why things happened the way they did, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy. I don't think I've ever been happier. God has done so much these past few months that I am blown away. My eyes have been opened to things that I was too prideful or deceived to see. I am free, and it's been awhile since I've felt this way. God has really taught me how to forgive and move on. Don't hold any hard feelings and don't live in the past. Just live for today, live in the moment!

This summer I have some amazing opportunities that I am so excited for! I get to go to Colorado to see all of my family, go camping and relax. I get to go to Seattle for a long overdue trip to see some amazing friends! I get to, hopefully, road trip down the coast to get to Spirit West Coast in Monterey to help interview bands with my best friend, yes Amanda. Then I get to hang out here, meet new people and just have fun.

I'm not worried anymore. God has given me so many ways to stay in Flag next year. Yet He's planted dreams and desires in my heart to possibly move. I'm not sure where yet, but going to hang out in Seattle might stir up some desires. Or maybe I'll end up in Nashville, or even a random city in Cali. I honestly don't know and that's the excting part, not knowing. I get to sit back, relax and watch as Jesus takes the wheel. I have a front row seat to my own life! Man, I am so excited! And if you read all of this you should give yourself kudos!

So tell me, what's keeping you on your toes right now?

Picture of the Day

I'm more of a myspacer than a blogger, but I really am trying to get into the groove of this. On myspace I started up a 'picture of the day' album. It's been fun to take random pictures on my phone and upload them with a caption that doesn't quite describe what happened. I like to keep people in suspense! So today, in honor of myspace, I will post a picture of the day. Gah, except it's not today's picture, I'm only about four days behind, haha. Being sick does that to you. So here was the trip to wa*mart (yes, one of the more exciting things to do in a small town) with my best friend. Thank God for picture cameras!! It only took about three takes since we couldn't stop laughing!

(Look Mom, I posted a picture all by myself!!!)

Goood morning world!

Ok so it's not morning, but that's been stuck in my head all day and I had to get it out sometime :)

I think I'm going stir crazy. I've been sick with a mad head cold for almost a week now and stuck in my house for 4 days? 3 days? It's felt a lot longer. I did bribe my mom to buy me a starucks and that helped! Ah well I could ramble on for awhile but I'll stop now.

Oh but toilet paper has officially become my best friend. I used an entire roll yesterday..on my nose sicko! lol.

Alright well when I started this blog I actually had something to blog about and now I can't remember. So this was pointless and meaningless and I'm just gonna go now. :)

Revelation

Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged. Life's been pretty hectic at the moment. But...I'm finally happy again. I know that sounds so cliche, yet there's really no other way to say it. I am truly happy right now. I'm finally at peace with life and I know that God has everything under control. Yes, I'm sure there will be hard times, heck, I know there will be! But I'm holding fast the promise that He will "never leave me or forsake me." What a great thing to know for sure. No matter what happens, He is faithful. He will never stop loving us. Wow!! Even when we fall down, even when we break His heart, He's still there. That just blows my mind! I don't even know what else to say right now, I'm still feasting off of new revelation.
GOD BLESS!!

So I really want to post something that makes people smile or laugh or something. But, I'm sorry to say, I really don't have it in me right now. There is so much on my heart and mind that I'm struggling just to stay afloat. I wish I could just see a small glimpse into the future so that I could be assured that everything is going to be ok. That there is a light at the end of this tunnel.

Welcome to my life.

Are there changes? Yes
Is there tears? Yes.
Is there hurt? Yes.
Is there a faithful God who will never leave? Yes.

And that is all I can hold on to.

Is it ever going to get better?

That is my question of the day, or the week. I know the answer is probably yes, someday it will. But I don't feel that right now. I feel like I've hit a brick wall and it's as far as I can go right now. I feel like I've hit rock bottom. And just when it seems like things are looking up, another attack hits. I don't know how much longer I can fight this.

"I'm not alright. I'm broken inside, broken inside."

Gotta love weddings

I was in Phoenix this past weekend for my uncles wedding and it was amazing! Such a perfect love story. My uncle is divorced and has three kids. My new aunt also has three kids. They were all in the wedding party and at a certain part of the ceremony they had a personal communion. It was just a really awesome way of uniting the family. There were about ten of my family from Colorado who came up and it made it so much fun! It's always so hard to say goodbye though, moreso for my mom.

:) I know this is short, but I can't think right now.

Chels

Emotions

You gotta love them right? Well honestly usually I don't love them...but hate is too strong of a word. And according to my little sister, it's also a cuss word, lol. My emotions have varied quite a bit the past few months. I'll be great, happy, laughing, then all of the sudden a memory pops up and next thing I know I'm on the verge of tears. I can't even describe how I'm feeling right now. It seems like there's just a solemness in my house. We all know what the inevitable is, but we keep trying to think that it's going to change. The only thing we can hold on to is knowing that God is still on the throne. He is still in control. He sees our hurt and our tears. He knows. He has a plan and someday when I look back on this, I'll see why things happened the way they did. A chapter in my life is coming to an end and I'm fighting so hard to stop it. I know that one day I'll just let go completely and the next chapter will start. I hope that day is soon.
Emotions. They're all apart of life and they're usually a good thing. We just have to look at them differently.

New Blog

I figured maybe I should start a blog that is a little less personal than my last one. The other one turned into more of a journal...a journal that I don't prefer anyone reads, lol.

Anyway, my parents both have blogs, how weird is that? They're coming into the blogger society quite nicely. My mom knows more about it than I do...who knew? lol.

Life definitely isn't the greatest right now, but I know that God has everything under control. If someone would've told me, a year ago, that I would be in this place right now, I would've laughed. I never thought I would have to make such life changing decisions. I thought I was pretty settled in where I needed to be, but I was wrong. Now everything that I've ever known is gone. Including most of my friends, my church and pretty much my identity. I've never known anything else and it feels like life has just been flipped upside down. I'll admit I'm scared, yet I'm also excited. God has a perfect plan and even though I can't see the end of this, I know it's all going to be ok.

My grandma called me tonight just to talk and encourage me. The one thing she kept saying that definitely stuck in my head was..."This too shall pass." That's all I can hold onto right now.