Beautiful Colorado

I'm sitting at my grandmas house in Colorado and I have never been so happy, excited and peaceful. I am in awe at how God has opened up every door and paved the way to this moment. My grandma and I have spent the majority of the week laughing over silly things or talking about serious things and I've had an opportunity to help her do things that would otherwise take her a long time to do and exhaust her in the process. God is allowing me to bless her and He's definitley using her to help me in this season. It's amazing!

Two weeks from today and I'll be on my way to Seattle for a few weeks. I. Am. Stoked!!!! I can't believe that things are happening the way they are. There are no words to really describe how I'm feeling right now, I'm speechless.

I know this is very short but you get the general idea of what I've been up to.

Oh and my laptop should be here anytime now!!

Opportunities.

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in awhile. There's been a lot going on and not really anything good and happy that I wanted to share with everyone, lol. The best thing that's been happening lately is that I've been able to spend a lot of time with my mom and Grace. I can't remember the last time we just hung out and talked, or watched movies and ate junk food. It's been very nice and needed.

On to the not so great news. I was given a choice at work a few weeks ago and after really praying about it I decided to quit. So I'm almost jobless and at this point I'm not sure where I'm going to go from here. I would love, more then anything, to go to Colorado for awhile and hang out with my family. I also have friends in Seattle so that's an option too, plus I'm thinking about trying for an internship at Tooth and Nail Records which is a major Christian music label based out of Seattle. The only thing right now is my roommates aren't in agreement with what I'm wanting to do and if I felt I needed to break the lease to leave Flag they're not open to that. Please help me pray that their eyes will be opened. I really feel like I have a chance at traveling for awhile and going to places I've never been and if I don't do it now I might never have this chance again.

Seasons

Reality is setting in slowly and I'm having serious mixed emotions about it. I'm excited for my family, I think this is what they need to do, they deserve it. But I'm sad that I won't be able to see them as often as I do. I won't be able to stop by the house and watch Mash with them. Wednesday night dinners won't exist anymore.

The harder thing is that I don't know if we'll ever live in the same state. I can't say that for sure because God only knows what will happen. But as of right now I can't go, not for at least a year and even then I may not be ready to leave my life here. Or heck, I could be married, but Grace says if I meet a guy it'll take him years to "repose" to me. Haha that's very comforting Grace, thank you.

Mom keeps saying that in a year we'll look back and see how God orchestrated everything. I believe that wholeheartedly. It's going to be hard, probably harder then I can think about right now, but eventually it'll get easier.

Here's to new seasons :)

(And remember Mom, I'll be ok)

Did you know?

I just thought of that all on my own!

Did you know that my sister and I are 13.5 years apart?

Did you know that I was born in Texas?

Did you know that I work at an auto body shop?

Did you know that my boss thinks that me and the production manager fight like siblings?

Did you know that I've always wanted to dye my hair blonde on top and black underneath?

Did you know that I know I can't pull that off? hehe

Did you know that in a years time I have no idea where I'm going to be?

Did you know that I want to learn the bass?

Did you know that I get laughed at when I attempt to dance?

Did you know that I want to write a song that changes the world?

Did you know that I've always wanted to sing a duet?

Did you know that The Cosby Show makes me laugh harder then anything else?

Did you know that I'm already beyond in love with my husband?

Did you know that I love peanut M&Ms?

Did you know that I want to have strength like Esther?

Did you know that the King is Enthralled with my Beauty AND your beauty?



Well, now you know :)

Parents

Yesterday was my parents 28th anniversary. Wow..it's a rare, beautiful thing in this day and age. I am so blessed to be able to call them my parents. But more then that, I'm blessed to call them my friends. We don't have a normal "parent/child" relationship. They are two of my best friends and..I'm gonna start crying. I trust them with my life. I value their opinions. I love laughing with them. They have given me so many words of wisdom that I could write a book. We have so many inside jokes that I'm smiling remembering them. And boy, I'm going to miss them so much. Thank God for technology. Phone calls and facebooking might be enough but it's going to be so hard.

All I can really say right now is thank you. It's because of them that I am the women I am today. It's because of their love for each other that I haven't settled for just any guy who's come along. It's because of their love for Grace and I that I have such a big heart (or big head?? hehe).

A million "Thank Yous" wouldn't be enough.

I love you.

These are a few of my favorite things!

What are some of your favorites (memories, things, books, anything) and why?

So you want to know what my favorite memory is eh?

I can't just choose one memory, I have a few that stick out in my mind.

I remember, very clearly, the night my sister Grace was born. That morning my mom came in to her room (I slept on a mattress in their room a lot) to wake me up and tell me she was in labor. I laughed at her and rolled over to go back to sleep, thinking it was false alarm number..3? But I was wrong, when I realized she was serious I jumped out of bed and the next few hours were a blur. I do, however, remember my friend Azalea and I standing outside of the bedroom and hearing my mom yell at me to come see. Wow..tearing up as I write this. I remember bolting into the bedroom, hearing Grace cry and started sobbing. I remember sitting next to my mom and asking what it was, boy or girl? I remember holding her for the first time and just crying. I remember saying that she's beautiful and completely falling in love, promising to protect and praying that God would be her Everything. That was almost eight years ago and I've watched Grace grow up before my eyes. Turning into a beautiful girl with a great smile and laugh. I love her with everything in me!! That's one of my favorite memories.

Here's another one- I'm on a roll, can you tell?

When I was younger I was super close to my cousins, Katie and Mollie. I was right in between them age wise and I cannot tell you how many fun times we had. We used to play indians in the backyard, Purple Iris, Morning Star and..I can't remember my indian name. After we'd play indians we would turn into fancy ladies and on our sleepover nights we would braid each others hairs and talk about tea parties and balls. In the mornings after breakfast we'd get dressed in our long dresses and play the boardgame Titanic, where the object was to see who could get to the lifeboats first. I can't remember who won but I do remember laughing so hard we were crying. If it was nice outside we'd grab the scooters and head to the park to swing and talk. Those were the most fun filled days I can remember having when I was younger. We're not as close as we used to be and I've watched them fall in love and am going to Katie's wedding this summer. Sometimes I wish we could all be kids still and stay up late talking. I do miss those times.

I think I'm done for now. Whew..memory lane!!

At a loss

I think I'm at the same place my mom was at a few weeks ago. I can't figure out what to blog. I could continue to blog about my days but that's going to get old fast since it's rare for something exciting or spontaneous to happen.

Any thoughts or ideas??

:)

New Look!

I wish I could take the credit for the new look of my blog, but I have no idea how to do that stuff. It was my wonderful mother who gets all of the credit for it. I think it's perfect :) I love flip flops (not thongs!) and summer and sunshine! I think it's about time to change the name of my blog though, I have a few ideas for it..we'll see what happens.

This weekend was perfect. The weather was amazing and the time spent with friends was equally nice. Have I mentioned how blessed I am lately?

It's a great day!

Why is it a great day?

Because it's Friday! (duh)
It's payday.
The weather is perfect.
There's supposed to be a comet tonight.
LOST is at home.
My boss brought cinnamon rolls for breakfast.
I got to get out in the sunshine for a bit.
I have amazing parents who I love very very much!
And a heavenly Father who has blessed me beyond what I deserve!

Yep, it's a great day :)

Update

There's actually not too much to report right now. Work has been crazy all day and I'm just now getting a moment of semi-quiet. This past weekend was pretty darn amazing. The weather was perfect and Meg and I went down to Sedona to really enjoy it. It was nice to have just her and I hang out, it's been awhile.

Time has been flying. I'm trying to stay caught up with days and dates and it's just not working right now. It's almost March, just to throw that out there. What happened to January?? Heck what happened to February?

God has been opening my eyes to a lot of things, some things I'd prefer not to notice, but it's ok. He's showing me what needs to change and what wounds need to be reopened so that I can forgive and heal. It's not easy, it's actually frustrating. Things that I thought I'd dealt with are being brought under the light and I see how bad it really looks. Change is hard, but change is necessary.

Well that was my attempt at a happier blog :) your welcome mom.

I'll be ok in time

This past week was pretty rough. I do really good and then I'll breakdown. It's pathetic I know to be saying all of this, but I really did feel like my heart was ripped out of my body and left in the snow. Ok that is an overexageration, just trying to get the point across and pretend that I can spell overexageration. It wasn't that bad, but tell my heart that when I was crying myself to sleep, 4 freakin nights in a row. No one knows that. No one will know that. Besides mom and the blogging world now. It's hard to be around him and her. I would say names but they've been mentioned already and there's pictures. I'm protecting the innocent! Your welcome. :)

It doesn't help that they're both my best friends. I can't not hang around them because I love them so much. Even when it's just us three and I start to feel like a third wheel, they pull me back in because they know, to an extent, how I feel. He's leaving in October to go on a road trip across the country. He could be gone as little as a month up to 8 months. I won't waste this time being hurt and not be around him because I won't be able to soon.

So all of that to say that, yes, I am still hurting and sometimes I feel like I can't go on. But they are my best friends and they would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. Life just happened.

My Dear Husband

To my dear Husband,

I thought I knew you.

I thought that if I waited long enough you'd see me.

But instead my heart was broken by a man who fell for my best friend.

I'm sorry that I wasted so much time and emotion on another man.

Only you and Jesus can take the broken pieces of my heart and put them back together.

I love you.

Forgive me.

Longing

There are some days (like today) where I long for my husband more then usual. I long for the day that we meet and he smiles and the rest is history. I can honestly say that I didn't think I would still be single at my age. I thought I'd be married by nineteen or so. Not that I can see myself married right now, but to actually have a man in my life who could be a possibility would be really nice. To be able to laugh with him, stay up late talking and just...being best friends. I really, really want that.

So here I sit, at work, alone, aching for my husband to walk into my life and remind me why he's so worth the wait.

Long weekend

I am proud to say that we are all moved in and in the process of unpacking.

I am sorry to say that I am so exhausted right now that I feel like crap. I would really like to curl up in a blanket and watch a movie. I just don't feel up to par and if I don't knock it out now the rest of this week is going to be much, much worse.

Orange juice and soup anyone?

I think that was the sappiest blog I've ever written. I was almost crying just rereading it.

Blogging world:
I'm really not that dramatic, I promise!!

And I am also very excited to be moving out...but I couldn't very well put that at the end of the sad blog. Geez.

:) IT'S ALL GOOD!

Last time

Last night I slept in my room a final time.

This morning I got ready for the last time at my parents house (that's still so weird to say).

This morning was the last time I said I Love You to my dad on my way out the door. That was tough.

And tonight, amidst all the chaos and craziness, I might just cry myself to sleep.


Goodnight Mom, I love you.

Goodnight Dad, I miss you.

Goodnight Grace, dream beautifully.

Too tired to think

I've worked 9 hour days all week and it's starting to take a toll on me. Not that I don't love what I do here, but between working all day, mentally preparing to move and being too restless to sleep really well at night, life is kicking my butt!

**I just had a conversation with one of the guys I work with who speaks mainly spanish...let's just say that it was interesting**

Ok back to the topic at hand. I have very mixed emotions about moving out. For one, I'm beyond excited, I'm stoked! But on the other hand it's going to be such a different transition; moving out of my parents house, not being able to see them every day and having to adjust to life on my own. God has the perfect plan and I'm so grateful for the doors He's opened up. He knew all along what He was doing and to think I spend almost a month worrying my butt off! Trusting in Him is not the easiest thing to do but it's the most necessary thing to do.

That is what I'm working on.

Lean Cuisines at lunch

I'm technically on my lunch break but I'm still of the clock because it's been busy as heck. I've had Lean Cuisines for lunch every day this week and I'm officially done with them. I wouldn't recommend them unless it's an emergency or, in my case, they're on sale for $2.

But that's not the reason for my blogging!

I found out today that I have been approved for an apartment! Me and two of my good friends are moving into it next thursday. It truly is a God thing, He opened up every door, gave us peace about the location and favor with the prices.

All glory and honor to Him!!

2009 is already amazing!